Finding Zen
by chrispineismykryptonite
Summary: Post BDM with a sprinkle of AU because Serenity didn't crash, Wash isn't dead, and Simon didn't get shot. What do you do when you're forced to work for the Alliance? Well, you jump at the first chance to get out. When the crew of Serenity picks up a stowaway on Mr. Universe's moon things are bound to get interesting. It's a small 'Verse after all. Jayne/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! This is my first fanfiction, also the first time I've ever put any of my writing up for public view so thanks so much for checking it out! I love Wash a lot so I couldn't leave him dead so I just took out _Serenity_ 's crash landing to make my heart feel better. The first two chapters will be in Simon's point of view and then it will switch to the OC's POV. I would love to hear what you think so please review. I apologize for the short first chapter. Much love xx.**

 **Disclaimer: I'm a poor college kid. I certainly don't own Firefly or Serenity. I'm only here because Jayne Cobb kidnapped me and now I can't leave.**

* * *

Everything was happening so fast. By the time I had processed an emotion it was gone and I was feeling something entirely different. Horror, though, that emotion was pretty constant. It's been sitting quite firmly in my chest since we found Haven destroyed, that horror. Flying into Reaver space – horror. Miranda and everything we learned there – horror. Flying into an Alliance blockade with Reavers hot on our tail – horror. Nearly crashing into Mr. Universe's moon, running from and fighting Reavers – horror was the only constant emotion through it all. Watching my sister lock herself away with those attacking monsters, well, that was the worst horror yet. Almost before I could register what it must mean for River, my _mei mei_ , to be alone with all those savages the blast doors were opening again. But not to unleash death upon us, no, to give us hope, for there she stood, not a breathing Reaver left. And then before the horror could be replaced by relief there they were. Guns pointed at my sister, the person I had given up everything in order to protect, and they were asking for a kill order. Never before had I considered that two simple words could bring me such elation, but when a gruff "stand down" came to my ears I barely choked down a sob.

One by one weapons began to lower, some slower than others, some so fast you would think the wielders were relieved. It took me only a moment to realize that still others didn't lower at all. Then I heard it, the sound of a gun cocking. None of us had moved, waiting with baited breath. One of the lowered guns rose again, no longer aimed at River, but at the soldier who stood point, one of the few who hadn't followed the Operative's order. It was a gruff, commanding voice that followed the action. "You heard the man, stand down." There was no response as the soldier continued to hold up a shaking gun trained on River.

Another weapon raised another voice speaking. "I ain't much for shootin' young girls. Not much for lettin' others shoot 'em neither. Drop it."

This time there was a twitch of facial muscles before a grating voice came spilling forth. "They've fed you all lies. The Operative has been compromised. The Alliance is just, the Alliance is true, the Alliance - "

We didn't get a chance to find out what else the Alliance might be as the soldier crumpled to the ground, dropped by a well placed blow to the temple with the butt of a third gun. This time the ensuing voice was decidedly feminine. "Shut your trap why don't ya?"

The three turned, weapons raised and the first gruff voice spoke again. "Anyone else got any warm fuzzies 'bout the Alliance they'd like ta share? No? Smart. I think we ought to just let these fine folks be on their way then shouldn't we? We're thinkin' maybe the Reavers got to ya. Best of luck out there." The regiment marched back out the way they had come, taking the last vestiges of horror with them.

An eerie silence settled, broken by a sweet, if slightly slurred, voice. "Well that was real nice of 'em, standin' up for us and all. What say we head on back to _Serenity_? I'm sure she's a mite worried where we all ran off to so quick." That was all it took to get us moving. Zoe and Wash helped each other up off the floor, never letting go. River made her way over and around corpses to stand with us. Mal lifted Kaylee up from where she lay on the crate, leaving me to offer a hand to the merc. Without the usual look of contempt, he reached up with his good right arm and clasped my forearm, using the grip to haul himself off the floor. He kept his left arm tucked against his torso as he slung Vera over his good shoulder before patting my shoulder and walking off after the others, leaving inara, River and I to follow. We walked in exhausted silence to _Serenity_.

Miraculously, she still looked to be in one piece, setting aside the Reaver makeover. We trudged up the ramp and stood for a moment at the entrance to our home. Even the air around us seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at our arrival. From beside me, River spoke in that breathy voice that hardly ever uttered sense, "space monkeys". With a giggle and a smiling glance around the cargo bay she walked off into the ship. The rest of us shook our heads in confusion but chuckled anyway and followed her on board.

* * *

 **Thanks a million for reading! xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Glad you're still reading, hope you're enjoying it. This will be the last chapter in Simon's POV before it switches to the OC. Happy reading!**

 **Disclaimer: I'm a poor college kid. I certainly don't own Firefly or Serenity. I'm only here because Jayne Cobb kidnapped me and now I can't leave.**

* * *

River was right. I am a boob. I should have acted on my feelings for Kaylee a long time ago. As I watched the screen displaying her vitals I held tightly to her hand. To think we could have died without ever getting to pursue our feelings for each other, well, it's not something I fancy to contemplate. We are both here now and that's what's important.

She gave my hand a squeeze to get my attention and I looked down at her. It struck me, not for the first time, that she was the most genuinely beautiful girl I'd ever met, both inside and out. Her sleepy voice traveled to my ears. "Well doc, whaddya say? Am I gonna live?" she punctuated her question with a teasing smile. More than once already she had told me I was being overprotective.

Not having known the origin or the potency of the tranquilizer that the Reavers used on her I had reacted in a way I thought perfectly appropriate. After boarding _Serenity_ and getting off that terrible moon I had Kaylee brought to the infirmary so that I could make sure her body wasn't shutting down or anything else suitably Reaver terrible. I tossed her a glare that held no heat before answering her question. "It looks like you'll be just fine; your body likely just needs to sleep it off."

She reached over with her free hand to pat my forearm. "I think that's a shiny idea doc. I'm gonna sleep now. You should probably check on your sister. I'll be right here when you get back."

I watched her eyes slip shut before giving her hand a squeeze and letting go. Pulling the blanket up around her shoulders I made sure she was in a comfortable position before turning to leave the infirmary and search for my sister. After checking the kitchen, where I found Mal and Inara, but no River, I checked her room and her most common hidey spots. Having come up empty in those areas I checked the bridge, finding only Zoe and Wash. Finally I made my way down to the cargo hold. I was greeted by the sight of the resident merc. The gun strapped to his thigh was odd seeing as how he didn't usually carry while we were out in the black, but considering all we had been through recently, it wasn't hard to understand his desire to be armed. He was doing one armed pull ups under the walkway. I gave an exasperated sigh because I had already told him he shouldn't be straining his body so soon, but I let it go as he wasn't using the shoulder with a bullet wound and I still needed to find River. Other than Jayne the hold seemed to be empty until I looked up. River was laying on the very edge of the catwalk and staring into space. Immediately the doctor in me became concerned with her proximity to the edge. I began running to her while calling out, hoping she wasn't having another episode. "River? River!"

When I got to her she was smiling and still staring off into the hold. I got closer and she barely acknowledged me other than to say, "shh, you'll wake the space monkey."

I could feel my face scrunch up in confusion. "River, _mei mei_ , there are no space monkeys." I had thought she was getting better since Miranda, but perhaps I was wrong. To be fair, I hadn't really had spare time to properly examine her since then.

Still she wouldn't look at me. She barely inclined her head in the direction she was staring. "Sure there are, the monkey is sleeping in those vines."

"What?" I followed her line of sight to the chains that hung down into the hold from the cargo crane, still not understanding. It took me a second to spot but I finally saw it, a person, not a monkey, was lying across several of the looped chains and they were sound asleep. My brain didn't immediately process what this meant considering I was stuck on having no idea how a person could even get up there let alone be stable enough to sleep. Then it hit me all at once. Kaylee was in the infirmary, Zoe and Wash were on the bridge, Mal and Inara were in the kitchen and Jayne and River were in here with me. Whoever it was up on those chains, they shouldn't have been on the boat. I turned to my sister with wide eyes. "River, why didn't tell someone there's a stranger on board?"

For the first time since I approached her, River turned her smiling face towards me. "Not a stranger. A space monkey."

Just to make sure I wasn't going mad I looked up to the chains again. Yup, still a person there. I walked over to the railing and called out. "Hey! Hey you! What do you think you're doing!?"

In a rush the figure startled awake. The quick movement must have thrown off their balance because in the next second they were falling from their perch. In a show of impressively fast reflexes the initially flailing person turned themselves around and managed to hook a knee over one of the loops of chain, bringing their descent to a harsh stop. At the same time the person reached across their body, pulled a pistol, and aimed it at Jayne. A dark moss green canvas jacket continued to fall as it appeared the figure was only wrapped in it and not actually wearing it. Jayne had reacted to my shouting and the falling individual by drawing the gun from his thigh to point at said person. Judging by the slender frame and the curtain of auburn colored curly hair that hung toward the bay floor the unknown stowaway was actually a young woman. "Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Not a Reaver! _Duiyu suoyou de ai shi yuzhou zhong de hao_ , don't shoot!" Of course, the feminine voice was kind of a dead giveaway as well.

While Jayne did refrain from shooting, he didn't lower the firearm. The sound of running feet drew closer; apparently the shouting and the echoing clang of the chains protesting her chaotic fall had alerted the others and they were coming to investigate. Certainly the sight of Jayne and an unknown upside down woman pointing weapons at each other was mildly concerning. River and I walked down to join the rest of the crew as they came to stand in a semi-circle around the dangling girl. She eyed us warily before sighing and mumbling, " _biao zi de erzi_." Then she spoke more clearly. "Can I come down from here without getting shot? Please?"

Mal glared hard at the girl, radiating malice and suspicion. After a long, tense silence he gave a single nod of his head. She cast an uncertain glance at Jayne before tucking her gun away in what I now noticed was a shoulder holster that held the weapon snug to her left side. Curling her body up, she grabbed onto the chain before unhooking her leg and letting her feet hang down. With a deep breath she released her grip and dropped the good seven feet to the bay floor. After stumbling slightly and straightening she turned to us with a carefully neutral expression. We all just stared at each other for several long moments.

In this time I had the opportunity to observe her more closely. The mass of curly hair on top of her head made it hard to gauge her actual height but she appeared to be around the same size as River and Kaylee. Her unruly locks tumbled down to mid ribcage, but they couldn't hide the gnarly scar that ran diagonally across her left collarbone and over her sternum before disappearing under the white tank top she was wearing. The pants she wore were much the same style as Zoe's, though they were black instead of our first mate's preferred natural hues. On her feet was a pair of nondescript black combat boots.

Mal finally broke the staring contest to speak. "What in the _qi jie diyu_ are you doing on my boat?"

She stood tall under his harsh gaze, her eyes flicking to the merc again before she answered. "Running, sir." She didn't seem to like the taste of the word "sir" in her mouth, trying to hide a sour face when the honorific left her lips.

We waited for her to elaborate and when she didn't Mal prompted her. "From what?"

Her fingers flexed and she shifted from foot to foot. "That God forsaken moon for one." At the mention of the moon my training promptly scanned her for visible injury and my eyes came to rest on her upper left arm. It was bound messily with dingy white cloth that was soaked through with an unmistakable red substance. Part of me noticed the jagged edge of her dirty tank top that rested just above her navel as the other part of me calculated the likelihood of the wound becoming septic without proper treatment.

Before my sanity could object the doctor in me had stepped forward and begun speaking. "Captain. I understand that this is your ship and she is a potentially dangerous stowaway. However, I am a doctor and this woman needs immediate medical attention. You can stand guard while I work and interrogate her when I finish, but that wound must be treated." Even I was impressed with the conviction in my voice.

Mal gave me his 'I'm the captain don't ever question me glare' before turning it on the girl. "You take all your weapons off and you put 'em in a nice little pile right here." He pointed to the floor in front of himself.

She pursed her lips, clearly not pleased with the demand. Then she moved her injured arm marginally away from her body before grimacing and letting the arm fall limp again. She seemed to accept that she couldn't safely reject medical help. "Fine." She stepped backwards over the jacket that had fallen and kicked it forward, causing it to fall open and reveal a vast array of small knives hidden in its lining. Zoe and Jayne both raised a brow at this. Next she shrugged out of the holster and dropped it on the jacket. With each new weapon she pulled off our eyes widened just a bit more. A large knife, not unlike the one Jayne caries, was removed from the inside of her right ankle where it was strapped around her boot. One smaller knife from within the opposite side of the same boot and two from the other leg. A necklace with a pendant that appeared to be a hollowed out arrowhead with a glass sphere full of some sort of purple liquid in the center. Last she pulled a holster for what appeared to be another big knife from the back of her waistband. When she finished she held up her right hand in the universal sign for surrender, her left was tucked against her torso. "That's all I've got."

The captain stepped over the pile of weapons to grab her roughly by the upper right arm. He walked her to the infirmary before stopping and turning her to face him. "You're lucky I'm in a generous mood. You've got until the doc's done fixin' ya up to think about what you're gonna say. Then we're all gonna have a nice long chat. _Dong ma_?" She simply nodded and he walked her into the infirmary before letting go. I stepped into the room after her as the rest of the crew settled on the couches outside to wait. Mal glanced protectively at Kaylee sleeping on the infirmary bed and seemed to decide against waking her. He opted instead to stay leaning against the door with his hand resting on the butt of his gun.

* * *

 **If you like it then please drop a favorite, follow, or review and have a beautiful day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who has left reviews, it means a lot. Hopefully updates will be out pretty regular, but I'm a full time college student and so is my sister who is editing this. If it takes us a little longer we do apologize but we're fitting writing time in everywhere we can.**

 **We finally get to start seeing things from our OC's POV and I hope you all like it. If you feel anybody is too terribly OOC please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it. Hope you like her as much as I do. Happy reading and hope you have a wonderful day!**

 **Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Firefly or Serenity. If I did there would have been many more shirtless Jayne scenes.**

* * *

This was not part of the plan. In fact, the plan deliberately did not include being spotted by the crew at all. It was get on before them on Universe's moon and get off after them wherever they stopped next. Clearly the plan has been altered, drastically. At least they didn't immediately put me out the airlock - that would've sucked big-time. I want to be upset with the pretty boy doctor, really, I do, but he's the only one currently not looking at me like I'm about to go on a killing spree. Also, he's tending to my arm and I try to make a habit of not making people angry when my health is in their hands. Or when those hands hold sharp, pointy objects close to my skin. The captain hasn't stopped glaring at me and I'm pretty positive this is one of those times when making eye contact would be taken as a challenge so my eyes wander over the infirmary instead.

Only because of my wondering eyes do I catch the movement of the girl on the bed, seems she's waking. Her eyes flutter open and land first on the doctor, then on me. The surprise is clear as day in her eyes. Then she smiles and the room seems happier. When she speaks it's with the most innocent voice I've ever heard. "Well hey there stranger."

I can't help the small smile as I lift my right hand to give a little finger wave. Her voice alerts the captain to her conscious state and he glares harder. Someone should tell him his face is gonna get stuck like that. Someone who isn't me, I mean. "Don't talk to the stowaway Kaylee, we've got no idea what her motives are."

The girl's eyes drift to him and she gives a little hum. "Whatever ya say Cap'n." Her gaze slides back to me. "You got real pretty hair Ms. Stowaway, real pretty."

At her blatant disregard of the man's command I have to chuckle before returning her soft smile. "Thanks doll, it's been a long while since I've heard that."

"I can say it again if'n you want me to." At that I outright grin.

The guard dog at the door makes an offended noise. "Little Kaylee! What'd I just get done sayin'?"

She rolls her eyes at me before responding to him. " _Shi shi_ Cap'n. Now hush, the ladies are talkin'." He gives an undignified sound that sets the doc and I both to chucklin'. I think I hear somebody in the other room laugh as well. She turns back and her brow furrows as she catches sight of my arm currently being stitched. "Don't that hurt none?"

Unconsciously, my fingers reach up to ghost over the scar across my chest. When I notice the movement that I'm sure no one else missed I give her a wry smile and shake my head, tapping the ghastly mark. "I've had worse, don't you worry on me."

When the doc picks up gauze and starts wrapping my arm, the captain straightens from where he was leaning in the doorway and turns to the others outside the infirmary. "Ya'll head to the galley and we'll meet you there. I want everyone there for this talk."

I hop down from the counter as the doctor walks over and helps Kaylee to her feet. It's clear by the way he looks at her that he probably thinks she's the human manifestation of sunshine or somethin' equally sappy. A rough hand wraps around my right bicep as I make for the door and the captain steers me through the ship until we reach a homey looking kitchen and dining area. Everyone else is already there. On one side of the long table sits a beautiful woman, likely a Companion from her attire, another woman with a no-nonsense expression, and a red haired man. Across from them sits the girl Ralph wanted to kill. Standing intimidatingly in front of the little breakfast nook was the beast of a man who had pulled his gun on me earlier. The same gun that rests comfortably in his hands in front of him. I'm lead to stand in the empty space at the head of the table near the armed guy. The doctor and Kaylee sit with the young girl and the captain sits in the closest chair, facing me.

"Let's try this again. What are you doing on my boat?" His body language screams 'I'm in charge'.

I've never been good with authority. "I told ya a'ready. I'm runnin'."

He shifts to lean forward, the skin around his eyes tightening. "And ya still ain't told me what it is you're running from. So how's about you cut the _go se_ and tell me straight. 'Fore I get the urge to put you out the airlock."

My eyes begin to wander around the kitchen as I try to make myself share something with this guy - my life seems to depend on it. "The same thing I reckon anyone this far out in the black is runnin' from aside from Reavers. Alliance scum."

The response I get from that makes me think maybe I shouldn't have shared. " _Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng_! What is it with this boat and Alliance fugies?" At this he sends a quick glare to the doctor and young girl.

By now I'm only half paying attention to the conversation, too busy marveling over the homey feel in the room. It's been so long since I've been anywhere like it. "Can't be a fugitive if'n they think I'm dead." Memories of my time with the Alliance come forth unbidden. "Still, fugie woulda been better'n the hell I been livin'."

All that gets me is a head shake and a scoff. "Fugies, dead people, 's like my boat's a _gorram_ bad news magnet."

Shockingly, the Companion is the one to ask the next question. "What does that mean? The 'hell you've been living'?"

My wandering eyes snap to her and I recognize the look of concern on her face. I've said too much. I shift my eyes away again, this time with the purpose of avoiding eye contact. The red haired man saves me from giving an immediate answer. "Can we just, ok, pause for half a second here. Let's at least ask the lady her name before we dig into her dark and mysterious past, maybe?"

A muscle in the captain's jaw jumps, he's clearly unhappy with his crews interruptions. "Fine. What's your name?"

There's a framed picture on the wall by the cook top and something about it catches my attention so completely that only a fraction of me is even following the interrogation anymore. "Zhanshi."

"Okay, we know her name." His voice is full of annoyance. "Let's hear about this dark and mysterious past."

I take this as my cue to give him the shortened version of my dilemma, extremely shortened. "It was work for the Alliance or die, and nobody wants ta die. So, I toughed up and walked myself into the hands o' the devil. I watched. I waited. And when I found my chance…" I gesture around us to indicate what I considered my chance, "I ran."

The follow-up question barely registers as I begin to register what caught my eye about the picture. "And why were these the only options?" I squint at the photo, trying to force my brain to understand. "Hey. What'd you do to get that kind of an ultimatum?" Not a single ounce of me is still invested in the conversation. Hell, I barely notice the captain moving into my line of sight except to realize that I can no longer analyze the picture. "In case you've forgotten how this works, when I ask you a question you answer it." I begin leaning around him to continue my examination. "Hello. Girl I'm about to throw off my ship. Tell me what you did." Giving up on figuring it out from so far away, I step around the irate captain and towards the wall where it is hung. It finally clicks as I recognize the one person in the picture who isn't sitting in the room with us. It's a face I haven't seen in years, and I've never seen it with such a huge expression of joy. I feel myself grinning and do nothing to contain it. I turn quickly to the man behind me.

"Ya'll know Pops?"

I'm met with silence and confused looks. The man who asked my name first breaks the silence, glancing between the dark-skinned man in the picture and my pasty white complexion. "Yea, sure, I see the resemblance. If, say, you're adopted." His incredulous tone is one I used to hear often.

"A'course he ain't actually my father." I give the man a once over. "You should know much as me that pale skin 'n red hair don't come from dark skin 'n dark hair. Seems his age finally caught up wit' his hair though." I glance at his face in the photo again before looking at the crew. I can't believe I found people that might be able to get me to him. I turn again to the captain, hopeful for the first time in years. "Do ya know where he's at? I can't believe y'all know him! Could ya take me to 'im? Please. I'll pay ya whatever. I ain't seen Pops in ages." The first thing that reaches me through the waterfall of words is the sound of sobs. I look over to see Kaylee with her face buried in the doctor's chest. When I look back at the captain my smile starts to fall. There's dread and pity in his eyes. The pieces fall together and my hope catches fire before my eyes. "Oh." I look around the room and everyone avoids my eyes, but they all wear much the same expression. "He ain't livin' no more." I turn my eyes back to the only person who will meet them. "Is he?"

He hesitates for only a second before shaking his head softly. "No."

I can feel myself nod as I systematically shove down all the crushing sadness. "Ok." Pops trusted these people, that much is clear to me. He never would have been here long enough to be part of a group picture if he didn't. And I will always trust him. I clasp my hands behind my back but that feels too soldier-girl so I cross my arms in front of me instead. "Whaddya wanna know?"

It takes a moment for him to decide on a question. "How did you know the Shepherd?"

"So he turned to religion huh? Good for him." I brace myself for any memories this topic brings up. "He's the only father figure I've ever had. He saved my life. He led me into the mouth of hell, but weren't for him I'd be standing here dead." I allow myself a sad smile at the memory of the silly jokes he made that never were all that funny.

There's a loud snap to my left and I look over to see the large man wearing a look of realization on his face. "That's where I seen ya before!"

With mild annoyance the captain asks for clarification. "Care to share with the class Jayne?"

Jayne looks at him like it should be obvious. I'm not too sure where he knows me from either. "She's the Alliance chick what knocked out that _hundan_ wanted to shoot Crazy." Oh, yes I do remember that. Although the girl doesn't seem terrible _feng le_.

"Of course, how could I not have noticed?" The captain rolls his eyes. "How do you s'pose that's who she is?"

Finally the big one, well big _ger_ , holsters his weapon. "Way I figure, a man would hafta be sly or blind ta forget a pair o' legs as nice as them right there." He nods towards my legs and when he catches me looking at him, he winks. Me returning the gesture with a little fake smooch seems to catch him off guard. "'Sides, preacher man use ta say the same thing 'bout workin' for the Alliance. Called it hell."

"Back up, you're tellin' me holy man was Alliance?"

Tucking his thumbs into his waistband, Jayne shrugs. "Sure, back a'fore the Abbey. Weren't that hard to realize. No lifetime preacher man fights as good as he did, 'specially not without trainin'. So I asked 'im if he's Alliance. He tol' me he was, but not no more on account a it bein' as close ta hell a body can get without dyin' first." A smile crosses my face knowing Pops had someone to talk to before he passed.

The still nameless captain in front of me shakes his head. "Why is it I never know what's happenin' on my boat?" He lifts a finger and points it at the Companion. "Don't answer that." She closes her mouth and smirks.

I rub my hands together for something to do. "So, should I start thinkin' on my last request or what?"

Before he can reply there's a gasp from the table. It's Kaylee. "Oh you can't Cap'n." She tries to get up, but the doctor pulls her down to her seat. "'Nara, Zoe, ya can't let 'im. Not if Book was like her daddy. We gotta let 'er stay. You can't make her go Cap'n, you just can't."

The captain and I keep eye contact for a good while before he speaks. "Jayne keeps your weapons until I decide you get them back." I wrinkle my nose but nod my compliance. "Zoe will show you your room. You're to stay in the passenger dorms, the galley, or the common area outside the infirmary. Nowhere else. _Dong ma_?"

I give a last nod before he walks off through the doorway we didn't come in, the Companion following. The woman I'm assuming is Zoe kisses the red haired man before standing and gesturing for me to follow. As I make my way after her I turn toward Jayne with a serious face. "Don't screw around with my babies." I smirk, blatantly giving him a once-over from head to toe. "You got some pretty nice legs yourself, handsome."

* * *

 **Please drop a review and let me know how I'm doing!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm terribly sorry for such a long wait. My brain refused to cooperate on this chapter. I hope you enjoy and I'll do my best to have a faster update for chapter five. Happy reading!**

 **Disclaimer: I still don't own Firefly or Serenity or anything related to its franchise. That's a lie. I have a Firefly t-shirt. But that's it.**

* * *

The walls in the passenger dorms of _Serenity_ are not at all interesting. I should know. I've been staring at the ones in my room for approximately the last two hours, trying desperately not to think. But finally the noise I could hear from the kitchen is gone. The crew said their goodnights to each other at least thirty minutes ago. It isn't long enough for me to be sure that they've all gone to sleep, but it's as long as I can make myself wait. Just to be on the safe side I open my door slowly and peek out before leaving the room. When I'm certain there's no one in the area to stop me, and not having heard anyone else come to the dorms, I slip out of my room. Walking quietly, out of habit more than anything, I make my way across the common area outside the infirmary to the cargo bay.

I have to focus on my steps and the path I'm walking to keep my overwhelming grief at bay. I don't have the time or the privacy to grieve, not while I'm still on this ship. When I get to the hold I make a beeline for the weight bench I noticed earlier. There's far too much weight on the bar for me to press, especially with an injured arm, so I begin to unload some of the weight as quietly as I can. There's probably still more on the bar than I should be lifting, but the whole point of this is for me to be able to get my mind off of all the turmoil inside. I lay on the bench and begin to lift. As I lie there I try not to allow my mind to wander, but it saunters straight to the subject I'm aimin' to ignore. For the first time in a long time I reminisce on what life was like before my forced work with the Alliance. Sure it wasn't all that great, but at least it was a life where I could choose what particular brand of hell I wanted to deal with each day. That last year was one of the best of my life. I had never had a father figure until I met Book. He kept me out of a lot of trouble during the last year of my freedom. And he brought me a happiness that I hadn't known since childhood.

My brain interrupts my reminiscing with harsh reality, reminding me that that happiness is dead now. The realization that I'd been avoiding hits me like the blast from an Alliance pulse gun. Pops is dead. He'll never give me that 'what have you done now?' look. I'll never hear him laugh at my stupid jokes. The abrupt emotional weakness collapses my arms and I feel the metal bar slam into my chest. It knocks the wind out of me and I immediately struggle to push it off. The condescending voice tells me that I certainly was not paying enough attention while I had my emotional breakdown. "That's whatcha get, usin' somebody else's stuff wit' out askin' 'em first. Shouldn' be pressin' so much wit' a bum arm anyways."

I look up at him as he comes to stand by my head. When we make eye contact his glare softens marginally and he nods in what feels like acknowledgement of the inner battle that I'm fighting. With one arm he pulls the bar up and racks it for me. My arms fall to my sides and I take in a gasping breath that sounds suspiciously like it wants to turn into sobs. I close my eyes to force back the tears and get my breathing under control. When I look back at Jayne he seems relieved that I didn't start crying. I'm relieved too.

He silently moves to take a little more weight off each end of the bar before moving back to stand in a spotter's position. When he speaks again his voice is much less hostile. "Come on then. Try'n focus this time will ya. Ain't no use in gettin' yaself all worked up."

I give him a barely there smile and raise my hands to the bar again. This time I do nothing but count the reps and moderate my breathing. No more words are exchanged, but he stands there as silent encouragement and I don't break down again. When my arms feel like jelly and I can't make them lift the bar anymore I re-rack it and we go our separate ways in silence, merely nodding to each other before walking off.

* * *

If I had to guess I would say I got maybe three hours of sleep last night. Still, it's not surprising that I wake when I hear cabinets opening and closing in the galley. With nothing else to do, and knowing I won't get back to sleep despite being up all night, I get up and stretch the weariness out of my muscles before heading for the kitchen. There I find the captain pouring himself a cup of what smells like coffee. I hesitate in the doorway and for a moment I think he's going to ignore me. He turns his back to me and I move to sit at the table. He has another mug in hand when he turns around again. "Coffee?"

The offer takes me completely by surprise but I quickly accept. "Yes, thank you." He fills the second cup and then walks it over to me and sits at the head of the table. "I never did get your name."

He takes a drink before answering. "Malcolm Reynolds." Silence follows as I nod in acknowledgement. I'm looking down at the cup in my hands, but I can practically feel his stare burning into my scalp. When I finally look back up he speaks. "I want you ta know that if you endanger my crew or this ship in _any_ way," he pauses to let the words sink in, "my gun is the last thing you'll see. I promise you that."

The protectiveness he shows for his people makes the tiny smile impossible to hold back. "I understand Captain Reynolds." I savor my next drink of coffee and feel the caffeine start to kick in and wake me up further as I sit at the table on the side nearest the stove and the breakfast nook. "If it eases ya mind any, I have ev'ry intention a bein' offa this ship just as soon as it hits land and ya'll never see me again."

"Well, I 'ppreciate that. There's plenty a trouble followin' us without tackin' on a runaway purple belly." At that moment Jayne walks into the galley and our eyes meet. His eyes flick to the Captain and for a moment I worry he'll rat me out for being in the cargo bay last night. When he doesn't I give him a small smile in thanks. The only reaction from him is some sort of Earth-that-was caveman grunt as he moves to the stove to pour himself some coffee. The Captain's attention leaves me and I assume he's done talking to me for now. "Jayne, I want you to take inventory in the hold today. See if there ain't somethin' we can try to find a buyer for. We need quick money if we wanna have any hope of gettin' back to the Inner Rim where we can find decent work."

By now Jayne has a protein snack bar hanging from his mouth and is refilling his coffee. He speaks a garbled, "'ure ting Mal", around the food in his mouth and then makes his way out of the kitchen in the direction of the cargo bay.

After a few beats of awkward silence there's suddenly someone leaning around my shoulder to look at me. I give a tiny flinch at the unexpected invasion of privacy. The girl grins, whether she's ignoring my discomfort or she's oblivious to it I don't know. "I'm River. Sometimes moonbrain, sometimes little albatross, a lot of the time _mei mei_ , but mostly I'm River."

It feels like the right thing to introduce myself again, despite doing it yesterday. "Zhanshi."

She plops into the chair beside me. "Did the warrior cause the name or did the name cause the warrior?"

My eyebrows furrow as I puzzle over her words. "I've been named Zhanshi since birth, if that answers yer question."

Her head tilts to the side as she studies me. "You were born a warrior." Until now the grin hadn't left her face, but it slips as she continues to speak. "Then, when it became necessary, a warrior was born. One so young should never have to be a warrior."

I stamp down memories of that necessity as realization dawns on me. "You's a Reader, ain't cha?"

The only answer I get is a nod as she leans close to me like a kid who wants to share a secret. "I was born a River, but they turned me into a storm. Simon tries to settle the storm, sometimes I'm a babbling brook." Her grin comes back. "You're a space monkey."

Her declaration causes me to chuckle as I ask, "S'that so?"

She only nods as she begins to toy with the mug on the table in front of me. "Tried to tell them, when we came home, there was a space monkey. But they didn't comprehend, and Captain would have made you leave, so I didn't explain." Her eyes meet mine again as she lays her head on the table top. "Your hair isn't as scary as your daddy's. I'm glad you're here."

There's a warmth in my heart that I haven't felt in years, partially due to her calling him my 'daddy'. "Thank you River. So am I."

When the Captain stands abruptly the sound of the chair legs on the floor is startling. He makes his way to the stove to pour himself more coffee. "Yea, well. Don't go gettin' too attached now lil albatross. She ain't stayin' any longer 'n it takes to get planetside somewheres."

Kaylee is the next person to enter the galley. Seems the whole ship is startin' to wake up. When she sees me that smile of pure happiness is on her face again. To be so carefree, not jaded by the 'Verse. Must be nice. "Good, yer here. I brought cha a new shirt seens yours is mostly half a shirt now."

She holds out a hand to me and I gratefully take the shirt hanging from her grip. It's a tank top much like the one I'm already wearing, except it's still in one piece and it's a deep green color. "Thanks, I'll be sure ya get it back 'fore I leave."

Her hand gives a little wave, dismissing my assurances. "Donchu worry 'bout that. I don't wear it none anyways." She wanders into the kitchen area and begins looking into cabinets. "Ya had breakfast yet? Me, you an' River could talk and share stories if'n ya want."

Before I can respond the Captain's voice interrupts. "No can do Kaylee. She's helpin' Jayne move cargo in the bay."

"But I thought I was banned from there." He shoots me a look that warns me against arguing further. "Right. Here I go, helpin' Jayne." I make my way out of the galley with an apologetic look to the girls and head to my room to change shirts. The tank top from Kaylee fits snug and comes to a stop just at the top of my pants. As I move my arms the muscles across my chest protest, warning of an impending bruise from dropping the bar on my chest last night.

The sight that greets me when I get to the cargo hold is one I won't soon forget. Jayne is carrying one of the larger crates to a different corner of the large room and the strain that the weight causes on his arms is doing particularly wonderful things to his biceps. He looks up when I walk through the door. "Ya know, sneakin' down here at night, ya maybe don't get caught. I reckon ya start comin' here in the daytime somebody's like ta notice."

"Seems ta me you's the only one doin' any catchin'. 'Sides, the Captain sent me to help you." The play of muscles across his back is visible through the t-shirt he's wearing and I force my eyes away before he can catch me staring. "Mostly I figure he just don't want me talkin' none with Kaylee 'n River."

He walks to stand in front of me after setting down his crate. "Yer prob'ly right." He gestures to the haphazard stack of crates he had just added to. "I'm gonna be movin' boxes over here. You go ahead 'n organize 'em all neat like. Take up as little space as possible but still be a sturdy pile."

My nod seems to be all he needs as he walks back across the hold to pick up another box. I make my way to the pile he indicated and begin setting the smaller cargo off to the side so that I can use the larger boxes to build up the base. We slip into a comfortable silence as we work side by side. The physical labor helps keep my mind off of Pops and I've never been more grateful for grunt work. Almost before I know it he's finished rearranging the cargo and we're securing the new stacks. When we're done he goes to leave the room and I lay a tentative hand on his forearm to pause him. He looks at me and I get so lost in the crystal blue of his eyes that I nearly forget what I intended to say. My words are soft, spoken for no ears but his. "Thank you. For everything."

The look in his eyes is different from everyone else, there's no pity, only understanding. "The Shepherd was a good fella, an' fer me ta be able ta help ya cope, well, it means a lot. I'm here when ya need a body to sit with ya quiet like. But if'n ya need ta cry, then I'm busy."

I have to laugh a little when he exhibits the typical male reaction to the idea of a crying female. "No tears. I promise." Because I can't contain myself I softly pat his arm, the feel of all that muscle making me a bit giddy, but that could be the lack of sleep talking. Nah, who am I kidding, it's the arms. Man has some killer arms.

His eyes drop and for a moment I'm going to be offended that he's ruining this genuine moment by looking down my top. Then he gestures to my chest. "You should ask the doc fer somethin' ta put on that."

I look down as well and realize that the bruise that has been threatening to show all morning has finally made its appearance. "I'll get right on that." Accepting that he's ended the serious talk, I make my way towards the infirmary and I can hear him make his way up the metal steps. When I get there the doctor and Kaylee are both present and he seems to be doing some sort of check up on her. I wave at Kaylee as I walk in and stand off to the side so I'm not in the doctor's way. "Everythin' alright?"

The doctor looks up at the sound of my voice. "It would seem so yes. She was hit by a Reaver dart on Universe's moon. I'm only making sure no serious damage was caused." By the way he's looking at her it isn't hard to figure out why he wants to be so sure. "Can I help you with something?"

"Was hopin' ya might have somethin' I can put on this bruise." I gesture vaguely to my chest, knowing he'll see the mark.

I can see his curiosity, but he doesn't ask for its origin, probably assuming I won't give him a straight answer. He's right. "Sure, in that drawer right behind you, it's in a tube. Just put a little bit on and rub it in, should help it fade by tomorrow or the next day."

It's exactly where he said it would be and as I'm rubbing it in Jayne walks by the open door. When he catches sight of me he stops and leers. It's an attractive leer. "Need some help there?"

I chuckle at the appalled expression on the doctor's face. "Maybe next time big guy." The wink I send gets me three very different reactions. Kaylee giggles, the doctor looks a little green, and Jayne looks a little taken aback before he recovers and gives me an unfairly sexy smirk before continuing on his way. I put the tube of cream back in the drawer and head for the exit. "Thanks doc."

His reply surprises me, but makes me happy all the same. "It's Simon."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, whether this is your first time through or you've come back. Drop a review if you have time! Much love xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Uh, oops? Yeah, I have no defense. It has been a _really_ long time. This chapter probably does not make up for the absence. However, my muse has returned to me with many many new ideas for many new stories. Also for this story, there will be no abandoning of this story. Anyway, let's get on with it.**

 **Disclaimer: Since the last time we have added two board games, some action figures, and several DVDs to the list of franchise things that we own. However, the list still does not include Firefly or Serenity or anything of value at all really. The characters are just so shiny and I like to play with them.**

* * *

Nothing made the distrust quite as obvious as the silence around the dinner table. Any talk of crew business was quickly shut down by Malcolm. When Kaylee and Simon attempted to engage me in conversation they were met with the same result. Needless to say, dinner typically ends up a silent affair. Just as I've done every night this week, I stand quietly once I've finished eating and collect my dishes to take to the sink and wash. As I'm leaving the room to head back to my cage, sorry, room, I hear River's voice. "You know, Captain Daddy, I don't think the space monkey likes your circus."

Malcolm's growl of "watch it, little witch" is overlapped by Wash's declaration of "I call feeding the elephants!" I'm not sure which comment is the cause of the ensuing laughter. A soft smile pulled at my lips at the sound of such family camaraderie and then a sigh rises from my chest as I remember it's something that I haven't had in so long and likely won't experience again. At least not for a long time.

Rather than head back to the passenger dorms, where I know these thoughts will eat at me, I duck into a corner to see if I can't learn when we'll stop next so I can get off this ship and disappear. The first topic ends up being money, more specifically, the dwindling supply of it.

Jayne is the first to start offering solutions. "Most of what me and _tui_ organized in the bay was junk, but maybe some of the electrical _go se_ could fetch us somethin' at least."

It obviously isn't the fix for the whole situation, but it's a start. The conversation shifts from how the abundance of stuff in the bay will only fetch meager prices to the outward appearance of the ship. Zoe broaches the subject by saying,"Before we can even get to the inner rim where this stuff'll fetch the price we need, we're gonna have to ditch the Reaver disguise." There are murmurs of agreement. "Now I'm thinkin' maybe we oughta stop by one of those scrapper nets, sell them the scrap metal and the canon on top."

The Captain is quick to weigh in. "I wouldn't trust a single one a them scrapper crews. Anyone else remember the YoSafBridge incident?"

His first mate's voice is the stoic calm it always is, "didn't say nothin' 'bout trust sir. Just could use their money is all." I find myself nodding along with her assessment.

The next to contribute is Wash. "The closest registered net is three days ride and Persephone is three more from there." Great, another week before we get planetside. At least it's somewhere with enough bustle to make disappearing easy. And I have contacts there who'll be plenty happy to help me do just that.

"Fine, it's more time in the Black than I'd hoped for, but you're right about de-Reavering the boat Zoe. Besides, Persephone's a good place for folks like us to find work and a good enough place as any to drop our barnacle." Hey, rude, I am way cuter than a barnacle, but I guess I can see the connection. "As for the scrapper net. Zoe, Jayne, Wash, and I will be the only ones who make contact. The rest of you will stay on the ship and out of sight. Don't wanna invite trouble if'n we can avoid it."

The conversation dies off from there and I slink quietly away to my bunk before anyone can leave the mess and see that I'm still here. Back in the passenger dorms I slip out of my boots and tie my hair back. It's time I get back to my daily tai-chi. No sense in letting myself atrophy just because I'm no longer in the hands of the biggest enemy. The slow, controlled movement relaxes me and empties my mind as I fall into the soothing rhythm.

It's at least an hour later when I come back to myself, breathing shallow and muscles beginning to protest. Hoping that the kitchen has been vacated by now, I head to get a glass of water. When I get there the only occupants are Simon and Kaylee. They're sitting close together on the couch in the corner booth and their love for each other is so obvious that I'm taken aback. Such untempered devotion between two people is something I've only witnessed once before.

At first they don't notice me, but the noise of drinkware clinking together draws their attention. The smile Kaylee gives me is so open that I can do nothing to temper my return smile. Simon, however, is the first to speak. "Zhanshi, I'm glad you're still up. I'd like to take a look at that arm, make sure I did my job and it isn't getting infected. Either way, that dressing needs changed." He rises as he's speaking and by the time he's done, he's gesturing for me to follow him down to the infirmary. All three of us migrate down.

As I sit on the bed in the center of the room Kaylee hops up onto the counter and Simon gathers his materials and sets to work. I expect to have to endure an awkward silence until he's finished, but Kaylee takes advantage of the lack of captain to satisfy her curiosity. "Since Captain Boring ain't around, mind if'n I pick ya brain 'n get ta know ya some?" I give her a shrug as if to say 'go for it'. She doesn't waste any time before she jumps right in. "I'll start small. How old are ya? Wait, no, where ya from? Wait -"

I chuckle and cut her off. "Don't stress kiddo, I'll get ta all yer questions, one at a time." My arm flinches involuntarily as Simon dabs antiseptic against the wound. "I'm 27 and originally from Whitefall, but I've been runnin' all over the Rim for most of my life," I cringe at the unintentional double meaning in that phrase, "until the last seven years that I spent stuck with Alliance scum, that is."

The wheels in her head turn as she chews on her lip and debates what to ask next. Her sly grin is the only warning I get before her next question. "Bein' in the 'liance I betcha knew lots o' men, huh? Say, 's they as bad at sex as they is at pickin' uniforms?"

Her clear contempt for those no good purple bellied _hundans_ makes me grin. "I wouldn't know. Don't sleep with the enemy and all that."

Her reaction is immediate, the dropping of her jaw almost comical, "Ya mean ta say ya ain't had nuthin' in seven whole years?" Honestly she looks damn near offended.

"Now now, don'chu jump to conclusions girlie, there's plenty a planets with willin' men. Heck, some of 'em I didn' even have ta pay." I throw her an exaggerated wink and it makes her giggle. Simon lifting my arm to rewrap it with gauze reminds me of his presence. "And you? Anybody strike your fancy lately?" I give a not so subtle nod in the good doctor's directions.

His face flames as her grin stretches. "Well, I seem to remember some promises a sex made on that god forsaken moon, but we ain't had the chance quite yet."

Simon vaguely resembles a tomato when he speaks up. "They were desires to be in a relationship, you assumed." The look in his eyes says he doesn't really mind the assumption. "Besides, you're still on the mend, it would be unwise for at least another week." Kaylee's smile drops into a pout at that revelation. I can't help but laugh at her 'cheese fell off my cracker' expression. The conversation ends abruptly with the sound of footfalls on the stairs outside the infirmary.

Zoe is the one to appear in the doorway. "What's goin' on down here?"

"Just changing the dressing on this wound, I was just finishing up." I can tell already that this serious, no nonsense expression is Simon's doctor face. It screams 'this is my domain and I alone am in charge here'.

The first mate simply nods to him before her eyes meet mine. "Well, since you're all set and it's almost night cycle, I'm sure you wouldn't mind retiring to your room until morning."

It clearly isn't a suggestion so with a murmured goodnight to the cheerful couple I make my way past Zoe to the passenger dorms.

Several hours later I find myself back in the cargo bay except, this time, Jayne is already there. He's reclined on the weight bench doing smooth reps with more weight than is really fair. Even more unfair is the lack of sleeves on the shirt he's wearing. I mean, seriously, a girl can only handle so much.

There's not enough energy in me to join in the workout mood, but I can't go back to that room. Where the walls close in and shove all the sadness and despair at me. I can't grieve properly here, or at all. I have to keep it in check until we hit Persephone, there, with them, I'll be safe enough to lower my defenses and process. For now though, this man's company will have to do.

He racks the bar and turns his head to face me but doesn't sit up. I shove down the sudden tingle of nervousness, he's only a man, and I am not intimidated by men, I can't be. "Think I could take you up on that offer of quiet sitting?" He gives a curt nod and turns back to his workout. Realizing that this is all the confirmation I'll get from him, I make my way over to the bench. I lower myself to the floor and lean back against the side of it, laying my head back. However, I've overestimated the height of the bench and when I feel the back of my head make contact with what is clearly his hip I immediately lift it again, not wanting to push my limits and be turned away. The sound of metal on metal is the only warning I get before I feel his hand on my forehead, guiding my head back to rest against him. The deep rumble of his voice is sombre. "Relax, you're safe with me." I notice that he doesn't say that I'm safe _here_ , because that's not what he means. I'm not entirely safe on this ship; my life is in Captain Reynolds's hands, and if he were to decide so tomorrow, I could be dead. No, he says that I'm safe _with him_ because that's exactly what he means. Whatever bond he formed with Pops was strong enough that he clearly feels some sort of obligation to me as well. "I won't judge what you need to help you cope." He takes his hand back and then adds, "unless you cry, I'll judge if you cry around me."

The chuckle that comes from me is strained, even to my own ears, but he kindly doesn't acknowledge it. We sit in silence and I focus on his steady, if slightly labored, breathing. It's a good distraction from my rampantly swirling thoughts. A calmness settles over us as he focuses on his reps and I focus on clearing my mind. He's quiet in a way that I've only experienced once before, he doesn't need pointless chatter to be comfortable, he doesn't have an endless curiosity that needs to be satisfied. The silence is exactly what I need. I haven't had such emotional turmoil since I was forced on the run as a child. Back then, this sort of silence, it followed a lullaby sung by a boy with crystal eyes. The one who taught me how to control my fear, so that it would not control me. The quiet was exactly what I needed then too. My heart swells with emotion at the memory, but in this cocoon with him, I can cope. I close my eyes and sink into the comfort. "Thank you Jayne."

* * *

 **If you could drop a review I'd be grateful, much love to anyone who reads my story. xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm always going to be apologizing for the wait. I was spurred into action by a very kind reviewer and I hope to be faster with my updates in the future. I hope this was at least a little bit worth the wait. Next chapter we'll be seeing some more familiar faces. Thank you to everyone that keeps coming back and to those of you that are reading for the first time.**

 **Disclaimer: I still own nothing, unfortunately. If I did I would be able to afford college without student debt.**

* * *

The next three days passed with the same mundane routine. I got a few more moments in of bonding with Simon and Kaylee, and I spent my nights in the quiet of the cargo bay with Jayne. The Captain still very obviously has no trust for me, which seems to trickle down through the crew. The Companion and the red haired man, who I now realize is the pilot, keep their distance outside of dinners. Zoe keeps a watchful eye on me and River comes and goes like a planetside breeze. She seems distracted lately, not crazy like everyone seems to think though.

Today provides a break in the monotony; we've finally arrived at the Scrapper Net. They answered the wave with instructions to dock at one of their connecting bridges. The initial plan hasn't changed. Mal, Zoe, Wash, and Jayne are going to make contact. The rest of us are confined to the ship. River, Inara, Kaylee, and Simon have been sent to Kaylee's bunk to hide. Me, on the other hand, well, I've been locked in the spare shuttle. I'm not entirely convinced Mal is going to let me out even after they've finished here.

It's probably twenty minutes before I start to hear them working on the exterior of the ship. Other than pacing and laying on the floor staring at the ceiling I've nothing to distract me from the incessant noise outside. The others don't come back to the ship as the work is being done, but that doesn't really surprise me; scrappers like to ply their customers with lots of alcohol to see how much they can swindle out of them.

My brain has gone numb by the time they're done and my ass has as well, actually. When I hear noise outside the shuttle too soon after the drills and plasma cutters stop I'm pretty sure I've been driven crazy. However, the sound of someone tampering with something just outside the door convinces me to get up and investigate. As I'm about to peer out the window the door slides open and I find River standing on the other side with the battle axe from Universe's moon. My confusion must be evident because she's explaining before I can ask. "The vultures are circling. Searched for a bargaining chip. They've found it. Know we're here. Coming to flaunt their catch to Captain Daddy. They'll have the ship if he wants us."

The particulars don't really matter, I've understood the gist of it, and we're in trouble. "River, my things, there's what looks like a big knife, I need-" Before I can finish she's holding her hand out, exactly what I was about to ask for already in her fingers. "Thank you. How much time do we have?" We hear the doors open but we both know it isn't our crew.

She tilts her head and smiles kind of absently. "None." We make our way quietly to the edge of the catwalk, there's maybe eight men making their way onto Serenity. "I hope you're still a warrior."

I smirk and pull the sheath off my weapon, the sections quickly unfold and snap together into a sword as soon as it's free from its confinement. The intruders look up when the _schlink_ of metal on metal reaches their ears. I throw a glance at River, knowing we're on the same page. "Let's dance." With that we launch ourselves over the railing. River takes one down on her way and the rest are only frozen for a second before they attack. Back to back we dance around each other, fending off _hundans_ that think attacking unassuming people is okay. These guys clearly expected a fist fight so it doesn't take a whole lot to finish with them. As the last one falls we hear the sounds of thunderous footsteps and turn to see the others running across the connecting bridge. When they get to the hold they spread out to assess the situation here. The captain stands at the entrance clutching his arm and there's blood seeping between his fingers, seems they ran into trouble too.

A flash under the lights behind them catches my eye. It takes me a fraction of s second to realize it's a sniper with Mal as his clear target as he's the only one still in the doorway. I sprint towards him out of instinct and he looks ready to defend himself but I just reach out and pull him forward and down by the suspenders, throwing myself across his back. A searing pain rips through me just under my left shoulder blade and as I cry out I hear another shot go off, this time from much closer. I look up to see that Jayne reacted quickly and efficiently, the scrapper at the end of the hall is dead. Mal is shoving me off as Jayne reaches out to pull me to him. As he wraps his arms around me for support he makes sure to stay away from the injury that is seeping blood down my side. "Wash," his voice is gruff, demanding, "get her to the infirmary and page the doc. We're gonna get rid of these guys so we can head out." I force myself to unclench my eyes as I feel the smaller man take Jayne's place, he supports me lightly as we make our way out of the cargo bay.

Wash helps me to the infirmary, pressing the call button for Simon as we pass through the door. He helps me over to the bed in the middle of the room and helps me lie on my front. He crouches down to be eye level with me. "That was a brave thing you did out there Zhanshi." I scoff, it seems that brave and stupid are sometimes the same when it comes to me. He laid a gentle hand on the side of my head. "Simon's gonna come patch you up little one. I've gotta get us outta here, the old girl can't fly herself." I know if I open my mouth something pathetic sounding will come out so I just nod my head.

Simon is rushing into the infirmary shortly after Wash has left. I'm breathing through my teeth when he gets there and I can tell he's confused but the second he sees the wound he slips into doctor mode. I can feel the cold metal of scissors as he cuts the fabric away, another shirt Kaylee lent me. He leans down next to me, a wry smile on his face. "Never goes according to plan does it?" The laugh that brings forth finally makes me let go of that pained moan I've been holding back. It appears that was his goal. "There you go tough girl. You've got a bullet stuck in your shoulder, can't pretend it doesn't hurt." He does away with the dabbing this time and instead opts to pour some antiseptic on the wound instead. As he cleans the area I can feel Serenity shift and rise, seems all the lowlifes have been disposed of.

Jayne's rough voice makes me look toward the door. "Hey _tui,_ how's them heroics treatin' ya?" I'm mildly shocked to see that Captain Reynolds is behind him, looking for all the 'verse like he'd rather be anywhere else. Jayne grins at the scowl I send his way. "That good huh?"

I roll my eyes as dramatically as possible so he understands my full annoyance. "I wanna tell you to scram, but I need ya ta come let me crush yer hand."

The doc turns from his spot at the counter, "I was just going to knock you out for this part. It will be less than pleasant."

I'm shaking my head before he can finish. "Doc, if it ain't full blown surgery don't you dare dope me." He clearly wants to argue but apparently my glare is more effective on him than the merc because he puts down the needle in his hand. Jayne sits on the little stool by my right side and I turn my head to face him as he takes my hand in his. "No tears, promise."

He huffs out a humorous breath. "Better not be." A noise at the door makes him look up and glare. "Don't even think about it Capn'. Yer stayin' right here 'til she's all sewed up an' then yer gonna thank the lady fer savin' yer life. _Dong ma_?"

I can't see it but I can imagine the thunderous expression Malcolm is wearing right about now. When he stomps over to lean against the counter my imagination becomes reality. The mood in the room gets very serious with Simon's "try not to move".

'Less than pleasant' was an understatement. I can feel my whole face screwing up in pain as Simon digs around in my shoulder. When he bumps something solid the sound that comes out of me is pure agony. As Simon stops digging I can feel a calloused hand rest on my neck, rubbing calming circles into the skin. I open my eyes to see Jayne looking at me with sympathy. Everything in me is screaming to show this man no weakness but all my body can do is whimper. There's no judgement in his eyes when his fingers get a little firmer and he whispers, "I know, you're ok." He glances at the doctor and doesn't seem to like what he sees. His lips purse and then he asks. "Can you numb it?"

Simon lets out a frustrated sigh. "I can. I would rather put her under." At my frantic head shake he continues. "That bullet is in your scapula, even if I numb it, pulling it out is going to cause you immense pain."

"I don't care. Do it." I will not be unable to protect myself on this ship. Jayne shifts so I'm holding his forearm instead of his hand, muttering something about how I'll be less likely to break that. I feel the needle sink into the skin of my back and the room is quiet as we wait for the numbing agent to start working. When I feel Simon's hand rest on my shoulder blade again my eyes fall shut. The hand on my neck had stopped moving but it starts again now, his thumb running in a calming back and forth sweep under my ear. I force myself not to flinch when I feel the forceps on my back again. I bury my face in the pillow under my head and calm my breathing. When Simon has the bullet a dull throb starts, I would rather he just yank it out now but he has to go slow to avoid causing any more damage. My pained groans and, in my opinion, rather creative curses are damn near constant now and I'm sure Jayne is going to have nail marks on his forearm for several days after this. He makes no protest though, just continues to sit there as silent support.

My whole shoulder at this point is just pulsating pain so it comes as a shock when I hear Simon drop the bullet in a metal tray. "Good news is it didn't fragment. Bad news is I still have to stitch it up."

I pressed my lips together and nodded my head, "mmhmm." The next little while is spent in a haze of mind numbing pain, my thoughts swimming in and out of focus.

When Simon is done and I've had a chance to center myself and refocus, I see Jayne send Mal a pointed look. The captain is visibly uncomfortable when he turns to me. "I appreciate what you did for me out there. As a man of honor," both mercenary and doctor scoff here, "I owe you a debt." He tucks his thumbs into the front pockets of his pants and looks me straight in the eye. "But this changes nothing else. You get off at Persephone, end of." Yea, should have seen that one coming. Save the man's life and I'm still untrustworthy.

I barely refrain from rolling my eyes. "Obviously." It's going to be a long three days before we get planetside, I'm actually starting to look forward to being back. It's been far too many cycles since I've been back. The only thing I'll miss is Jayne and the peace he brings me.

 _Tui_ = legs

* * *

 **Thanks for getting all the way to the end. If you've got a spare second I'd appreciate a review. If you don't just drop a favorite or a follow. Any kind of feedback is much appreciated. Much love xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, apparently my last author's note was confusing. This story isn't over, not by a long shot. By 'thanks for making it to the end' I meant the end of the chapter. I have many many more plans for this story and I do hope you'll stick around to see them pan out. As always feedback is much appreciated, but if you only have time for a favorite or a follow I understand. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I have gathered one more action figure and some credits, unfortunately college doesn't accept them as payment. I still don't own Firefly or Serenity. Just enjoy all the peeps.**

* * *

Landing in Persephone is the simplest thing that's happened this whole trip. Having a legitimate business in being a passenger ship helps a lot. We're all standing in the cargo bay as Wash lands Serenity. Kaylee has leant me one last shirt, another tank top, this one floral. Jayne has my weapons in hand and Captain Reynolds still looks reluctant to give them back. We feel the final settle as Wash finishes docking and powers down the engines and the next thing I know Kaylee is hugging me and River joins seconds later. "We're sure gonna miss you Miss Stowaway. You be careful out there in the 'Verse ya hear?"

I chuckle lightly and hug them both back. "Don't you worry on me, the 'Verse ain't as big and bad as it likes to think and I've got people who watch my back."

Wash is making his way down the stairs when they pull back from me. The Captain clears his throat to get everyone's attention, he's gotten less tetchy lately about the girls and Simon getting to know me. "Well, this is where we part ways." He holds out a hand for me to shake. "I do hope you find what you need in life. Jayne, give the lady her things."

He starts handing me knives first and I strap them back to my ankles, their weight welcome after a week without them. The next is my sword that goes on the back of my belt. I shrug into my shoulder holster, mindful of the still tender bullet wound on my back. The necklace and canvas jacket follow and as I pull my hair out from under both to let it fall around my torso I look up and meet Jayne's eyes. His face is the same as it always is when we're around the crew - impassive with a hint of grumpy - but there's something in his eyes that makes me think maybe he'll miss me too. The small smile I give him was going to be my goodbye, but looking at him now I figure, what the hell? I step forward and stretch up to throw my arms around his neck, not sure how my embrace is going to be received. Thankfully my reservations are unwarranted. His arms come around my back gently, one hand coming to rest under my right shoulder blade, the other landing on my left hip. Reassured, my right hand drops between his shoulders and my left rests on the back of his neck so I can tighten my hold for just a moment, his face turning into my hair as he returns the squeeze. "You ever need me, _tui_ , I'm there."

I drop back to flat feet and give him a full smile. "Scariest merc in the 'Verse has my back, thanks Jay." Simon, River, Kaylee, and, surprisingly, Inara, don't seem at all surprised by our exchange. The other three, however, look like they just saw a purple belly riding a unicycle. I give them a wave, I can hear the ramp hitting the ground behind me. "Well, ya'll take care, maybe someday we'll cross paths again." They all wave and with that I turn and slip into the bustle of the Eavesdown Docks.

* * *

The farther down the dim hallway I get, the more confident I can feel my stride becoming, this is a place where I'm respected. I step through the hanging beads to see my surrogate brother seated behind his desk, head in his hands. "How's my favorite criminal?" Two things happen in the next moment; the man to my left finally notices my presence and draws his weapon and the figure at the desk turns to me with wide eyes. I eye the thug to my left with disdain and turn to face his boss with one eyebrow cocked. "You get a new guard dog brother? I thought you had better taste."

Apparently he takes offense to that, if him pulling back the hammer on his pistol is anything to go by. "Might wanna watch how you talk to a _mercenary_ little girl. We ain't know for bein' nice." I look him over, he's average size, average build, a little pudgy, and only carrying the one weapon.

My mind pulls up an image of Jayne - large, intimidating, made of muscle and always armed to the teeth - and I scoff. "Mercenary? You're a thug. Why don't you put that away before you get yourself hurt." His jaw clenches and for a second I think he might actually shoot me.

Before I can meet the business end of another bullet, his boss speaks up. "Put that away and show some respect boy."

I smirk at him over the barrel of his gun. "But Badger, she-"

Badger is rising from his seat now. "You best do as I say boy, or you're gonna find yourself outta work and outta time." He holsters his weapon unhappily. "Now, run along, this doesn't concern you. And tell everyone that I am not to be disturbed for the next two hours." After the help is gone he turns to me and holds his arms out. "It's good to see you, _xiao maque_. It's been too long." I step into his embrace and finally relax, this is a place where I am safe - unconditionally. He grabs the bottle of alcohol from his desk drawer and pours us both a drink as we sit at the table off to the side. I lay my jacket over the back of my chair and pick up the drink. "Talk to me. How long can you stay for?"

While under the Alliance thumb I hadn't been able to be around as often as I would have liked. "As long as you'll have me _dage_. I got away, they think I'm dead. I'm free now Badger, and it's amazing." He looks thrilled, but it doesn't hide the dark circles under his eyes. "But tell me, what's happened? You look exhausted."

He swirls the liquid in his glass before tossing it back and pouring himself another. "They were taken." He doesn't have to elaborate, the agony on his face is enough. My stomach drops and my heart stutters. "Two days ago, and I haven't found them yet. Why do I pay these morons if they can't even watch my family? What good are my connections if I can't even find my wife!?" His eyes are desperate but I have no words to reassure him.

Then a thought hits me. "I think I might know someone who can help. She's got… unique abilities. And her captain owes me a favor." When I think about it I realize something else. "Actually, you might know the crew, they seemed like your type. Does the name Malcolm Reynolds mean anything to you?" Judging by the look on his face, it does. "What did you do to piss him off?"

"Oh, don't start that now. He has that attitude, thinks he's above us criminals, but he is one. I just told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't gonna be looked down on and he got all uppity." The way he won't meet my eyes tells me there's probably more to it than that but I don't press.

Instead I'm formulating a solution. "Regardless of your past with him, he owes me a debt that I intend to collect. He doesn't have to know that they're your family, just that they're mine and you're helping me get them back. Send a wave, we can't waste any time and they might still be getting fuel cells."

We move to a back room to place the call. Thankfully, it's answered quickly and Captain Reynolds's face fills the screen. "I'm not too keen on takin' any jobs from you Badger. They have a habit of not turning out so good for me and mine."

I push Badger out of the way so Malcolm can see me. "It's not a job for him. Remember when I saved your life and you said you owe me? This is me collecting." He sighs and looks down, rubbing his eyes, but he meant it when he said he's a man of honor and he quickly looks back up and gestures for me to continue. "I asked Badger here to look after my sister while I was indisposed, and he has, exceptionally. Except two days ago one of his guys slipped up and my sister and her little girl went missing. I was hoping River could help us find them and your crew could help us get them back. Please, they're all I have left."

The firefly captain is quiet as he debates. "I'm assuming you're at Badger's?" I nod. "We'll meet you there." With that he ends the wave.

Badger's gaze is burning holes into the side of my head. "I think this is a story I need to hear." I get up and head back to the main room, sitting on the edge of his desk as he goes back to his chair.

"I snuck on to his ship after a particularly rough battle. They were docked on the same planet and looked to be leaving soon. Thought I had a good hiding spot but River, the girl he's bringin' to help, she noticed me, and then so did her brother and he alerted the rest of the crew. Obviously there was no shortage of distrust but we were stuck in the black for a week. We ran into some trouble and I took a bullet to the shoulder so he wouldn't take it to the heart. Now here we are." I gesture around us, referring to the situation we've found ourselves in.

My brother figure is shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm not overly fond of the man, but I'm glad he got you here. I still don't like that overgrown ape he employs though, and I'm not sure I want him near my family."

I kick out at him lightly for that. "Jayne was good ta me. He'll be just fine helpin' with this. And he's not an ape." Badger rolls his eyes at that.

It's sooner than I expected when they show. Malcolm is leading the way, followed by Zoe, River, and Jayne bringing up the rear. I shoot Badger a look before they're in the room, "behave." When I turn it's clear that they've all been brought up to speed, no one looks surprised to see me.

River speaks before anyone else can, in an accent that mimics Badger's. "In a spot a trouble are ya? Needin' rescued by a 'man of honor in a den of thieves'." She smirks when he bristles at her words.

He looks at the captain and scoffs. "I'm still not convinced you lot'll be any help, but it ain't up to me."

The two men are clearly gearing up for a pissing contest. "If you think you can find the girl's family then we can be on our way."

Even if he won't show it I know Badger is panicking at the thought of not having their help to find his family so I step in. "Stop it, both of you." I turn and quietly repeat myself. " _Biaoxian dage_."

Before I can say more, River is speaking again, back to her normal voice. "A mama bear and a quiet mouse. Held by thieves with no honor. Find them, find them…" She walks back out the way they came, still repeating herself. We follow her on a twisting journey through the rough of the Eavesdown Docks. A few times we pass places twice and the others look at each other with doubt, but we continue after the reader. Finally she stops at a place I know all too well. She turns to us with a spacey smile, "found them." As Badger and I look at each other apprehensively, River faces the building again. "The wolves have gone and left the weak to guard the den. Didn't think the lion would know to come for his pride." She looks to Badger, her expression slipping to the cold mask it was when we fought the scrappers. "They were wrong."

Jayne moves up next to me from where he was trailing at the back of the group. "If the weak are tha only ones in there I say we just rush the place." I look over to see his hand resting on the gun at his hip, taking note of the knife on the other side, the pouches holding who knows what on the back of his belt, and the rifle strung across his back. I left Badger's without my jacket but I don't think I'll need it.

I throw a glance at everyone else and they all seem to agree with the merc's judgement. That decided, we head in. There isn't a guard waiting at the main entrance - mistake number one. The first room we check has Lenora in it, unguarded, and she's almost out of her restraints - mistake number two. Badger immediately rushes to her side and is helping her out of what's left of her bonds. She clings to him when she's finally free and he disregards the audience to offer his wife comfort. "We're here _bao bei_ , you're safe now."

The woman I consider a sister looks up at his use of 'we' and takes in the rescue squad around her. When her eyes land on me she's out of his arms and throwing herself across the room at me. "It's so good to see you _mei mei_."

I return her hug just as fiercely but quickly pull back to keep on track. "We can catch up later _jie jie_. Right now we have a little girl to find."

The panic returns to her eyes quickly. "They took her further into the compound, I don't know where."

Before she starts hyperventilating I pass her back to Badger. "Go outside with Badger, we'll find her I promise." When they're gone I turn to the rest. "Split up, she's here somewhere. She's eight years old, blonde hair, green eyes. If you find her, call for me, don't try to explain to her, she can't hear you." With that we all head deeper into the building. It's not an overly large space and I hear a few scuffles break out, but River was right, almost nobody is here. Jayne and I make our way down the same hallway, each checking the rooms on one side. When I open the third door on my side I see red. My precious niece is curled in a ball in one corner and there is a man taunting her with a gun from a few feet away. When the door opens he stands and turns, freezing when he sees who is behind him. My blood boils as I look into the eyes of the inept guard that tried to shoot me earlier today. I realize he's made no move to attack me, instead he just stares at me, his eyes darting to the gun in my hands periodically. I tilt my head back toward the hallway. "Jay!" Seconds later he's making his way through the doorway behind me. The expression on the other man's face is comically terrified. I nod my head in his direction, "thug", I gesture back towards Jayne, "mercenary". He punctuates my statement by cocking his rifle and I'm pretty sure the scum in front of me just wet himself. "See the difference?"

Jayne steps around me, keeping his weapon leveled at the traitor. "Get the girl _tui_. I got this."

After holstering my gun I squat down in front of and hold out my arms. When she looks up and sees me she immediately throws herself into them. I rub her back soothingly and stand to carry her out. Looking back at Jayne I let him know who exactly he's dealing with. "Bring that one would you. I'm sure Badger would love to know about the disloyalty in his ranks." I didn't think it was possible for the guy to get paler, but he proves me wrong. Badger doesn't have a reputation of being forgiving when he's crossed.

We gather the rest of the crew on the way out. Badger and Lenora are waiting just outside and when looks up and sees them she starts wiggling to be put down. She breaks into a run when her feet hit the ground and Badger drops to his knees to scoop her up. " _Ba_! _Ba_!" It's one of the only words she learned before losing her hearing.

Malcolm turns to me with a glare. "You said they were your family."

I roll my eyes at him. "They are. I never said they weren't also his. You just don't ask enough questions."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading all the way through. Not much happened in this chapter, but we're starting to get a look at Zhanshi's past. Drop a review and let me know what you liked or didn't like. Much love xx**


End file.
